He was up at 6:30 CST Saturday morning. Within minutes
(it could've been hours, actually; I was half-asleep), he was
showered, dressed and ready to go.
"Why are you still asleep?! We went to bed at 10!" His slightly-
raised voice and annoying smile were prime indicators that
this didn't know that I'm not a morning person--especially
at such a nasty hour on a Saturday.
You'd think that my Dad would have figured that out after
twenty-eight years. (He is actually aware that I'm not at my
best in those wee-early hours. It's just more fun for him to
give me hell before I let the shower head hit me in the face
and have my one cup o'joe. What a bastard.) :)
After leaving the surprisingly-okay Motel 6 in Kentucky's
fourth-largest city of Owensboro, we set out in Dad's
twelve-year old pickup. This clunky domestic lost its air-
conditioning a couple of years ago. Because Dad refuses to
have it repaired, citing that he doesn't use it that much,
yesterday's drive was kinda hellacious: 97 degrees and
plenty of sunshine, with a 250-lbs. stone weighing down
the back.
Yes. You read correctly--we were hauling a tombstone.
Look in the dictionary and find the word 'genealogist'.
Dad's picture should be adjacent. Our family tree is so
thorough that we know the exact date when Dad's great-
great-grand-father took the first shit ever taken in central
Kentucky. Okay, that's stretching it a bit, but Dad has gone
through so much Spencer genealogy that he now spends
time researching off-branches of the tree--which led us to
Owensboro.
Without perpetuating an already long story, Dad was the
driving force behind an effort to erect a tombstone for a
long-deceased, barely-distant ancestor. He proposed the
idea to those more closely related to the woman, sought
funding, got a discount from his monument-maker friend,
drove the stone from Waddy to Owensboro and, with the
help of a couple others (including yours truly), installed it
during a nice, simple ceremony.
I stood before the newly-set tombstone in a country
cemetery at least five miles from the nearest gas station
and listened to suppositions of the characteristics of Nancy
Agnes Greer Harrison. And then I listened to praise--of my
Dad, from most of those assembled at the site, for his work
and dedication in preserving the dignity of those gone
before him.
True to form, Dad was both humble and slightly indignant
about the situation when he remarked, "It didn't matter if I
knew her or was distantly related or not--she needed a
headstone."
Dad is seventy. He was a proud Bush supporter (both of
them), sends checks to the Republican Party, thinks
that Rush Limbaugh is credible and doesn't support
marriage equality.
And I still think he hung the moon.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Common Sense and the Lack Thereof.
This is a day where two plus two doesn't equal four. This is a day where people stay dry
by going out in the rain. This is the 94 degree day when you should be wearing a sweater,
and this is the day where change for a $5 bill consists of two quarters.
This day just isn't making sense folks. Specifically, people aren't making common sense;
namely the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. There was absolutely zero common sense in
placing a stay on the August 18th date when Gays and Lesbians could and should have
been allowed to marry in the state of California.
And why did they do that?! To allow "a three-judge panel to hear more questions" about
the constitutionality of same-sex marriages.
WHAT MORE IS THERE TO HEAR?!
California's ban on same-sex marriage is discriminatory. A federal judge handed down
this verdict when the case reached his courtroom. But of course, several other common-
sense-lacking, prejudice-minded, self-righteous busy-bodies had to appeal it (which was
expected) and now we have yet another delay for what should be a no-brainer:
THE BAN: IT'S ILLEGAL.
It is amazing at what lengths these sanctimonious bastards will go to prevent Love.
And when it's all said and done, what happens?
First of all, someone will be caught in a bathhouse, steam room, adult bookstore, library
or an airport restroom, doing something very, very naughty. Their discovery will not
be accidental. Oh noooo. There are no accidental discoveries because these "types"; the
gays-only-want-special-rights-No-Im-not-one-but-sure-I'll-give-you-a-blowjob-type
are being MONITORED. Very, very closely. And the culprit won't be a U.S. senator or a
minister; that's too easy. No, I'm thinking that this newest scandal victim will be the
president of an anti-gay group, a lobbyist for neo-conservatives or some REALLY big
V.I.P. with the whole Anita Bryant-esque Crusade to Crush the Gays. This person will
go down (in more ways than one) quickly. The fundamentalists will be shocked, the
momentum will lose ground, dollars will stop coming in and if we time it right, it'll
happen just as the Supreme Court is deciding the validity of same-sex marriage for
the final time.
Next, most of the younger generation thinks that the opposition to marriage equality
is either mean, moronic or wasteful. Registered voters under thirty years of age
approve of same-sex marriage by nearly 3 to 1. Older establishment leaders: do you
really think that your platform (or the Republican Party, for that matter) is going to
survive without being significantly altered?! I mean, for god's sake, look at 2008: you
people couldn't even operate "THE INTERNETS" and through that alone, you allowed
our current President to have your ass on a plate! If you can't figure out how to reach
out to people in today's outlets, how in the hell do you and your archaic platform
expect to be taken seriously?!
Lastly, I am sorry that I feel compelled to write this, but this is my fear: someone, a
couple or a group of people will be martyrs for same-sex marriage. Somewhere,
some closet case in the Bible Belt will lose his marbles. He'll decide that the Gays
are getting too close; that his wife is about to find out that he's been screwing some
guy in the big city and he'll lose his home, family and position in the local church if
he doesn't keep those amoral, disgusting people out of his sights for good. He'll go out
on a shooting spree, armed with limited weaponry and massive fear. I can see the
headlines now:
"Gay couples shot while eating in Dupont Square outdoor cafe"
"San Francisco LGBT Center Destroyed; 120 believed dead"
"Little Rock man suspected in Gay Church Bombing, killing 75"
It'll be over then, folks. It will be over for the supporters of anti-gay legislation
because deadly acts like those will reach out to America. The victims will be their
sons, daughters, uncles, aunts, grandsons and granddaughters. The mainstream
will feel compassion and wonder why these crazy nut-jobs would want to do
something so awful. Watching their 6pm news, they'll see Fred Phelps and his
"church" applauding the horror. And in their minds, they'll connect senseless
death--with hatred of gays: that it just isn't common sense to kill a bunch of
people because they're different. The faces of the couples killed will flash across
the screens; articles and interviews will find that they aren't much different
from anybody else. They had mortgages, paid their taxes, went to work and
raised families.
And all because of a senseless tragedy, support for equality for Gays and
Lesbians will increase. The vocal harangues of anti-gay activists will soften
as they become shifted out of the slime light--and into oblivion; from a prime
slot on FOX News to a morning talk-radio show in Jackson, Tennessee. And
the victims' blood will be on their hands.
It'll be all over for the right-winged haters, ladies and gentlemen.
And just like with Jim Crow laws and interracial marriage, people fifty years
later will scratch their heads and ask: "Why did marriage equality take so long
to achieve?!" By then, the history books will have paid minimal tribute to the
martyrs and activism and someone will answer:
"It wasn't common sense then. People just weren't ready."
by going out in the rain. This is the 94 degree day when you should be wearing a sweater,
and this is the day where change for a $5 bill consists of two quarters.
This day just isn't making sense folks. Specifically, people aren't making common sense;
namely the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. There was absolutely zero common sense in
placing a stay on the August 18th date when Gays and Lesbians could and should have
been allowed to marry in the state of California.
And why did they do that?! To allow "a three-judge panel to hear more questions" about
the constitutionality of same-sex marriages.
WHAT MORE IS THERE TO HEAR?!
California's ban on same-sex marriage is discriminatory. A federal judge handed down
this verdict when the case reached his courtroom. But of course, several other common-
sense-lacking, prejudice-minded, self-righteous busy-bodies had to appeal it (which was
expected) and now we have yet another delay for what should be a no-brainer:
THE BAN: IT'S ILLEGAL.
It is amazing at what lengths these sanctimonious bastards will go to prevent Love.
And when it's all said and done, what happens?
First of all, someone will be caught in a bathhouse, steam room, adult bookstore, library
or an airport restroom, doing something very, very naughty. Their discovery will not
be accidental. Oh noooo. There are no accidental discoveries because these "types"; the
gays-only-want-special-rights-No-Im-not-one-but-sure-I'll-give-you-a-blowjob-type
are being MONITORED. Very, very closely. And the culprit won't be a U.S. senator or a
minister; that's too easy. No, I'm thinking that this newest scandal victim will be the
president of an anti-gay group, a lobbyist for neo-conservatives or some REALLY big
V.I.P. with the whole Anita Bryant-esque Crusade to Crush the Gays. This person will
go down (in more ways than one) quickly. The fundamentalists will be shocked, the
momentum will lose ground, dollars will stop coming in and if we time it right, it'll
happen just as the Supreme Court is deciding the validity of same-sex marriage for
the final time.
Next, most of the younger generation thinks that the opposition to marriage equality
is either mean, moronic or wasteful. Registered voters under thirty years of age
approve of same-sex marriage by nearly 3 to 1. Older establishment leaders: do you
really think that your platform (or the Republican Party, for that matter) is going to
survive without being significantly altered?! I mean, for god's sake, look at 2008: you
people couldn't even operate "THE INTERNETS" and through that alone, you allowed
our current President to have your ass on a plate! If you can't figure out how to reach
out to people in today's outlets, how in the hell do you and your archaic platform
expect to be taken seriously?!
Lastly, I am sorry that I feel compelled to write this, but this is my fear: someone, a
couple or a group of people will be martyrs for same-sex marriage. Somewhere,
some closet case in the Bible Belt will lose his marbles. He'll decide that the Gays
are getting too close; that his wife is about to find out that he's been screwing some
guy in the big city and he'll lose his home, family and position in the local church if
he doesn't keep those amoral, disgusting people out of his sights for good. He'll go out
on a shooting spree, armed with limited weaponry and massive fear. I can see the
headlines now:
"Gay couples shot while eating in Dupont Square outdoor cafe"
"San Francisco LGBT Center Destroyed; 120 believed dead"
"Little Rock man suspected in Gay Church Bombing, killing 75"
It'll be over then, folks. It will be over for the supporters of anti-gay legislation
because deadly acts like those will reach out to America. The victims will be their
sons, daughters, uncles, aunts, grandsons and granddaughters. The mainstream
will feel compassion and wonder why these crazy nut-jobs would want to do
something so awful. Watching their 6pm news, they'll see Fred Phelps and his
"church" applauding the horror. And in their minds, they'll connect senseless
death--with hatred of gays: that it just isn't common sense to kill a bunch of
people because they're different. The faces of the couples killed will flash across
the screens; articles and interviews will find that they aren't much different
from anybody else. They had mortgages, paid their taxes, went to work and
raised families.
And all because of a senseless tragedy, support for equality for Gays and
Lesbians will increase. The vocal harangues of anti-gay activists will soften
as they become shifted out of the slime light--and into oblivion; from a prime
slot on FOX News to a morning talk-radio show in Jackson, Tennessee. And
the victims' blood will be on their hands.
It'll be all over for the right-winged haters, ladies and gentlemen.
And just like with Jim Crow laws and interracial marriage, people fifty years
later will scratch their heads and ask: "Why did marriage equality take so long
to achieve?!" By then, the history books will have paid minimal tribute to the
martyrs and activism and someone will answer:
"It wasn't common sense then. People just weren't ready."
Thursday, August 12, 2010
1967 vs. 2010
Unless it is your cousin's birthday, June 12, 1967 probably doesn't
ring a bell. I never saw it once in a U.S. History book, and I certainly
didn't hear the reason for its noteworthiness while growing up in
Kentucky.
On that date in particular, the United States Supreme Court handed
down the decision in the case, Loving Vs. Virginia, that interracial
marriage was unconstitutional. Sixteen states (all but one of them
below the Mason-Dixon Line) hadn't repealed their statutes banning
opposite-race marriage (known as miscenegation laws). Wikipedia
tells us that despite the Court's ruling, "such laws remained on the
books, although unenforceable, in several states until 2000, when
Alabama became the last state to repeal its law against mixed-race
marriage."
"We are now preparing to land in Alabama. Please set your clocks
back thirty years."
One year following the historic 1967 decision, a Gallup poll showed
that only 20% of Americans approved of marriage between White
and African-Americans. Fast forward to 2007 when Gallup asked
the same question and found that 77% of the country approved
of interracial marriage. The tide had turned. Attitudes changed.
Even if 23% of the population disapproved, society progressed.
Today, we find the same progress in public approval of same-
sex marriage. In a 1996 poll, 68% of the public disapproved of
legal rights for same-sex couples. Fourteen years later, the
electorate has softened, if only slightly: 53% of Americans do
not believe in marriage equality for Gays and Lesbians. If this
pattern follows that of the public opinion of interracial marriage
and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", the average American will someday
finally accept what they should have all along:
Minding their own damned business.
Thirty states have approved same-sex marriage bans, through
amendments to their constitutions. It will take only one Supreme
Court ruling to deem those unenforceable, just as Loving Vs.
Virginia. Even organized religions spending millions of dollars to
sway public opinion are seeing that their dogma-based arguments
are, in the courtroom, feeble, at best. Americans need to accept
that the question isn't if same-sex marriage will be nationally legal,
but rather, when.
Once marriage equality is given to all, the final piece of the puzzle
may very well fall into place for me, personally:
This White Gay Man will have the option to marry his African/
Korean-American boyfriend.
What is more durable--white gold or silver?
ring a bell. I never saw it once in a U.S. History book, and I certainly
didn't hear the reason for its noteworthiness while growing up in
Kentucky.
On that date in particular, the United States Supreme Court handed
down the decision in the case, Loving Vs. Virginia, that interracial
marriage was unconstitutional. Sixteen states (all but one of them
below the Mason-Dixon Line) hadn't repealed their statutes banning
opposite-race marriage (known as miscenegation laws). Wikipedia
tells us that despite the Court's ruling, "such laws remained on the
books, although unenforceable, in several states until 2000, when
Alabama became the last state to repeal its law against mixed-race
marriage."
"We are now preparing to land in Alabama. Please set your clocks
back thirty years."
One year following the historic 1967 decision, a Gallup poll showed
that only 20% of Americans approved of marriage between White
and African-Americans. Fast forward to 2007 when Gallup asked
the same question and found that 77% of the country approved
of interracial marriage. The tide had turned. Attitudes changed.
Even if 23% of the population disapproved, society progressed.
Today, we find the same progress in public approval of same-
sex marriage. In a 1996 poll, 68% of the public disapproved of
legal rights for same-sex couples. Fourteen years later, the
electorate has softened, if only slightly: 53% of Americans do
not believe in marriage equality for Gays and Lesbians. If this
pattern follows that of the public opinion of interracial marriage
and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", the average American will someday
finally accept what they should have all along:
Minding their own damned business.
Thirty states have approved same-sex marriage bans, through
amendments to their constitutions. It will take only one Supreme
Court ruling to deem those unenforceable, just as Loving Vs.
Virginia. Even organized religions spending millions of dollars to
sway public opinion are seeing that their dogma-based arguments
are, in the courtroom, feeble, at best. Americans need to accept
that the question isn't if same-sex marriage will be nationally legal,
but rather, when.
Once marriage equality is given to all, the final piece of the puzzle
may very well fall into place for me, personally:
This White Gay Man will have the option to marry his African/
Korean-American boyfriend.
What is more durable--white gold or silver?
Friday, August 6, 2010
A WTF?! In Recent News
Every now and then, news and political junkies like myself get
a bit overwhelmed. Usually, we can handle the gossip, morselsof info and innuendos coming at us full throttle, courtesy of the
ADD-driven media. Yet, there are times when it is all that we
can do to grab a Vicodin, pour some Vodka and Cran and tell
ourselves to ever-so-slowly back away from the machine.
It has been like that lately.
capability of a bowl of cottage cheese. She was featured on an
interview where she expressed her belief that the President is in "way over his head". I don't normally repeat my thoughts
on here (in succession, anyway), but this is worth it, italics, underlining and bold: Sarah Palin said that Barack
Obama is in "way over his head". Speaking of heads,did Sarah Palin fall and hit hers on something?! Does anyone
remember the debates that showcased her massive case of
idiocy? How soon she forgets interviews with Katie Couric
and Charlie Gibson, journalists whose composures were
challenged when they probably realized that their interviewee
had about as much ability to think on her feet as Larry Craig's
restraint in a men's room. I apologize for my nastiness, but
had John McCain or John Kerry or hell, even George W. Bush
made the comment, I would've understood. But Sarah Palin?!
God help us.
We're getting another single, dowdy, questionably Lesbian and
safely Liberal Judge on the Supreme Court. I like Elena Kagan
in the same manner that I like most women who look at male-dominated systems and say "Screw you, I'm coming in." So what
if she had no experience as a Judge? William Rehnquist didn't in1971, but that didn't stop Republicans from confirming him
when Nixon tossed him a bone. Personally, I'm just thrilled thatwe have more liberal combatants to John Roberts and Samuel
Alito. John Roberts. Ugh. Like a struggling student, he should
continue to practice the oath of office over and over again until
he gets it right.
In other news, I raise my vodka and cranberry to Judge Vaughn
Walker, who displayed some much-needed, often-elusive
American common sense last week:
"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational
basis in singling out gay men and lesbians
for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the
evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing
more than enshrine in the California Constitution
the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior
to same-sex couples..."
Alito. John Roberts. Ugh. Like a struggling student, he should
continue to practice the oath of office over and over again until
he gets it right.
In other news, I raise my vodka and cranberry to Judge Vaughn
Walker, who displayed some much-needed, often-elusive
American common sense last week:
"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational
basis in singling out gay men and lesbians
for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the
evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing
more than enshrine in the California Constitution
the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior
to same-sex couples..."
While I wouldn't dare use any words to diminish the eloquent
and judicially-sensical opinion of Judge Walker, I would've
added the following, had I been the one to decide the case:
"Duh."
It should come as no surprise to any rational, intelligent mind
that Proposition 8 was ruled unconstitutional. The Christian
religion, by name, is NOT in the United States Constitution.
The Bible, just so we're clear, is NOT the same thing as the Bill
of Rights. Therefore, telling a group of citizens that they are
not entitled to same legally-protected institution that a
majority of the country enjoys (or tolerates) because they
happen to be two men or two women...is NOT legal. By the way,
I find something very humorous about this historic decision:
Judge Walker was originally nominated by President Reagan
and later re-nominated by President George H.W. Bush.
Listen. Shhh. Do you hear that?
I hear a former Hollywood star-turned-politician turning over
in his grave.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
"...do you have some prior commitment?"
I wish that I had a good enough excuse for why I am known to repeat lines from movies
and song lyrics over and over again. And over and over and over again, after that. It is
obviously annoying to so many people, yet, I'm alright with it. Perhaps a movie line/song
lyric fan would dismiss these negative haters starting with the following three words:
"Frankly my dear..."
There are so many witty, funny, dramatic and just plain ol' fantastic movie lines out
there. I've decided to dispense with some of my favorites here, in no particular order.
To keep from butchering the works of the fine writers who have made these lines possible,
I have used the Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com) to verify the accuracy of the
quotes. Enjoy. :)
_____________________________________________________________________________
"I'm sorry, do you have some prior commitment? Some hideous skirt convention you have
to go to?" ("Emily" - "The Devil Wears Prada")
"By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me."
("Miranda" - "The Devil Wears Prada")
"Goodbye! Good Luck! Good God..."
("Boolie Werthan" - "Driving Miss Daisy")
"Don't fuck with me, fellas! This ain't my first time at the rodeo!"
("Joan Crawford" - "Mommie Dearest")
"You are married. You have a daughter. You don't need self-esteem."
("Catherine" - "First Wives Club")
"Daddy, I'm a Lesbian. A big one."
("Chris Paradis" - "First Wives Club")
"Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not affect my ability to do good
hair." ("Annelle" - "Steel Magnolias")
"M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half of Chiquapin Parish'd give their
eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!" ("Clairee Belcher" - "Steel Magnolias")
"I taught some of the stupidest children God ever put on the face of this Earth and all of
them could read well enough to find a name on a tombstone!" ("Daisy Werthan" -
"Driving Miss Daisy")
"I wouldn't be in your shoes if the sweet lord jesus come down and asked me himself."
("Idella" - "Driving Miss Daisy")
"Look at you! You have a baby...in a bar."
("Melanie Carmichael" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"Oh, honey, I've missed you alright. But at this range, my aim is bound to improve!"
("Jake Perry" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"People need a passport to come down here."
("Melanie Carmichael" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"I know all about the cocks in your hen house!"
("Bobby Ray" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"She's not English, darling, she's from Pittsburgh." ((When asked why the lady spoke
with an English accent:)) "Well, when you're from Pittsburgh, you have to do something."
("Mame Dennis" - "Auntie Mame")
"I have to admit, you know, I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger...
I never did it with baked goods..." ("Jim's Dad" - "American Pie")
"Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals. Hmm...well, I'm definitely not joining.
Can't imagine heaven without both." ("Lila" - "Latter Days")
"I bet after sex, she smokes a ham." ("Christian Markelli" - "Latter Days")
"I heard that Disney's opening a Fantasia restaurant where the plates fly themselves to
the tables. Until then, what to do?!" ("Lila" ((restaurant manager)) - "Latter Days")
"No, we've ((the Mormon Church)) gone way beyond hypocrisy, Dad. Now, we're just
being mean." ("Elder Aaron Davis" - "Latter Days")
"Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I'm the messiah of the DMV." ("DMV Tester" -
"Clueless")
"AS IF! I am only sixteen, and this is California--not Kentucky!" ("Cher" - "Clueless")
and song lyrics over and over again. And over and over and over again, after that. It is
obviously annoying to so many people, yet, I'm alright with it. Perhaps a movie line/song
lyric fan would dismiss these negative haters starting with the following three words:
"Frankly my dear..."
There are so many witty, funny, dramatic and just plain ol' fantastic movie lines out
there. I've decided to dispense with some of my favorites here, in no particular order.
To keep from butchering the works of the fine writers who have made these lines possible,
I have used the Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com) to verify the accuracy of the
quotes. Enjoy. :)
_____________________________________________________________________________
"I'm sorry, do you have some prior commitment? Some hideous skirt convention you have
to go to?" ("Emily" - "The Devil Wears Prada")
"By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me."
("Miranda" - "The Devil Wears Prada")
"Goodbye! Good Luck! Good God..."
("Boolie Werthan" - "Driving Miss Daisy")
"Don't fuck with me, fellas! This ain't my first time at the rodeo!"
("Joan Crawford" - "Mommie Dearest")
"You are married. You have a daughter. You don't need self-esteem."
("Catherine" - "First Wives Club")
"Daddy, I'm a Lesbian. A big one."
("Chris Paradis" - "First Wives Club")
"Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not affect my ability to do good
hair." ("Annelle" - "Steel Magnolias")
"M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half of Chiquapin Parish'd give their
eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!" ("Clairee Belcher" - "Steel Magnolias")
"I taught some of the stupidest children God ever put on the face of this Earth and all of
them could read well enough to find a name on a tombstone!" ("Daisy Werthan" -
"Driving Miss Daisy")
"I wouldn't be in your shoes if the sweet lord jesus come down and asked me himself."
("Idella" - "Driving Miss Daisy")
"Look at you! You have a baby...in a bar."
("Melanie Carmichael" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"Oh, honey, I've missed you alright. But at this range, my aim is bound to improve!"
("Jake Perry" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"People need a passport to come down here."
("Melanie Carmichael" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"I know all about the cocks in your hen house!"
("Bobby Ray" - "Sweet Home Alabama")
"She's not English, darling, she's from Pittsburgh." ((When asked why the lady spoke
with an English accent:)) "Well, when you're from Pittsburgh, you have to do something."
("Mame Dennis" - "Auntie Mame")
"I have to admit, you know, I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger...
I never did it with baked goods..." ("Jim's Dad" - "American Pie")
"Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals. Hmm...well, I'm definitely not joining.
Can't imagine heaven without both." ("Lila" - "Latter Days")
"I bet after sex, she smokes a ham." ("Christian Markelli" - "Latter Days")
"I heard that Disney's opening a Fantasia restaurant where the plates fly themselves to
the tables. Until then, what to do?!" ("Lila" ((restaurant manager)) - "Latter Days")
"No, we've ((the Mormon Church)) gone way beyond hypocrisy, Dad. Now, we're just
being mean." ("Elder Aaron Davis" - "Latter Days")
"Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I'm the messiah of the DMV." ("DMV Tester" -
"Clueless")
"AS IF! I am only sixteen, and this is California--not Kentucky!" ("Cher" - "Clueless")
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