In 1955, the United States Senate decided to pay homage to
only five distinguished members via prominently-displayed
paintings in the Senate chambers. Then-U.S. Senator John F.
Kennedy and his appointed committee were tasked with the
large responsibility of selecting the great statesmen.
JFK probably didn't have to search long before finding one of
the five in Kentucky's long-gone Henry Clay. It pains me to think
that most likely four out of five graduates of Lexington's Henry
Clay High School couldn't tell you anything that their school's
namesake did. Yet, I'll spare you the lesson and direct you to
Wikipedia or a book about life in the United States leading up to
the Civil War.
Don't all rush to Borders at once.
It has been quite a while (if at all) since Kentucky has put out a
Senator (or hell, any state-wide politician, for that matter) with
half of the saavy, courage and eloquence of Henry Clay. Let's take a
look at what my native state has offered lately.
Jim Bunning, elected to the Senate in 1999, reached the office due
largely to his popularity as a former professional baseball player.
Unfortunately, ol' Jim (and I do mean old; he's about 200) somehow
got traded from the Phillies to the Senate and ended up playing for
the Northern Kentucky Seniles. When he wasn't telling people that he
only watches FOX News for information, comparing an opponent to
"one of Saddam Hussein's sons" or predicting the death of Justice
Ginsburg within nine months (sorry, Senator; she's still with us),
Bunning wasn't doing much else. His bizarre behavior made him a
joke among his own electorate, which basically fired him by not
providing any re-election funding. Shady Pines, Jim.
Rand Paul is running as a Republican to replace Gramps. Unless
you've been living in a cave, you'll remember Paul's remarks about
1960's civil rights legislation being unneccessary, drugs not being a
problem in Eastern Kentucky (riiiight) and creating his own
ophthalmology board so that he could call himself a 'certified
ophthalmologist'. Basically, Rand Paul is a less-athletic, far-less
native younger version of the decrepit Jim Bunning.
And polls show that he is leading the Senate race by as much as 15%.
If you know the typical Kentucky voter like I do, this isn't all that
surprising. Kentucky voters are often 'triggered' by pro-gun politicians
and tend to 'abort' anyone remotely pro-choice. In doing so, they are
tossing away the capable Jack Conway, whom they see as Louisville
elitist, fancy-school educated and--shhhh--liberal. Yet, Jack isn't really
much of a catch. He might be articulate and attractive, but he has the
enthusiam of a 60 year-old man at his first prostate screnening and he
relates to rural Kentuckians in a Leona Helmsley kind of way. Still, I'll
vote for him because I'd rather take a snob than a yutz. *sigh*
Closer to home, we have learned that State Senate President David
Williams wants to become Kentucky's next governor. He looks (and acts)
like an evil swamp frog, and since he knew that he couldn't make it on
his own, he dragged the hapless Richie Farmer on stage as his candidate
for lieutenant governor.
Ah, yes. Agricultural Commissioner Farmer, who was elected to his
current office in 2003 after being out of the spotlight for nearly 20 years.
Some of you who find the Kentucky voter ridiculous and lacking in common
sense might think that he was elected out of nowhere based on his convenient
last name--but how dare you. We're much further along than that, thank you
very much.
We'll have you know that our Richie Farmer was Kentucky's 1988 "Mr. Basketball".
A modern-day Henry Clay, don't you think?
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