The other day, a friend inquired about my general well-being and after my affirmative reply, he asked, "Did you read that Louisville is the new Portland?"
Had I been eating, I would have choked. Had I been drinking, I might have become violent.
"Matthew, you've being melodramatic", you say. And while that is a historical trend, my friend's question stirred passions within, requiring me to rise to the defense of the city with which I fell in love over six years ago.
In the past week, no fewer than half a dozen people have mentioned this lousy article to me, suggesting that "the new Portland is in Kentucky". Before addressing the 894 things that are wrong with that statement, I decided to investigate the article's author, Robert Reid.
According to his Lonely Planet biography, Reid works and lives in NYC and has written "two dozen Lonely Planet guidebooks." From what I read, Reid's experience is Worldly and his body of work is impressive.
Yet, at the risk of being sued for libel and slander (I don't have any money, Mr. Reid), I believe that the author was either a) completely wasted on our fine bourbon during his entire time in Louisville, b) making preposterous claims on his website to attract visitors, or c) so distracted by the recent hurricane in his city that his first draft was published in error. I don't know what went wrong, but something had to have gone wrong.
Geographically speaking, Portland sits among conifer trees, facing an 11,000-foot high mountain. A 620-foot high waterfall is less than twenty miles from the city limits. The Pacific Ocean is 80 miles away. Comparatively, Louisville isn't near any mountains or oceans, making it very flat. "Louisville looks so beautiful from the sky!", said no arriving/departing flight passenger, ever.
Mr. Clean has no reason to visit Portland because it has consistently ranked among the U.S.' top five cleanest cities. Louisville isn't on any 'dirtiest cities' lists--but it has never been featured on a 'clean list', either.
City planners are to thank for Portland's regular top-ten ranking among best public transportation in the U.S. Louisville is nowhere near that list, either, and is one of the largest cities lacking Amtrak service. In a 2010 survey, 12% of Portlanders used public transit, compared to 2% of Louisvillians.
Mr. Reid's article didn't mention any of that, though. Here's what he did say:
"New Louisville, also known as the East Market District or NuLu, features
converted warehouses used as local breweries, antique shops and the
city’s coolest restaurants..."
Folks, "New Louisville" is a street. Calling it a 'district' is a stretch, and it certainly isn't a neighborhood. People don't walk around Market Street after dark--and for good reason: this area is one of the city's least-safest. To be fair, Market Street is cool. It has definitely come a long way from what it once was and features some yummy restaurants and interesting shops. But Louisville is a top travel destination due to one gentrified street?! C'mon.
"On Bardstown Rd in the Highlands you’ll find a hipster strip of shops
and bars, not to mention many ‘Keep Louisville Weird’ stickers."
Okay, Bardstown Road and the Highlands have been the coolest staple of the city for years. Almost every large-sized U.S. city has something like it. Old news. And "Keep Portland Weird" is just as common there as "Keep Louisville Weird" is here. The 'keep (city) weird" concept is actually original to Austin, Texas.
Bourbon reigns in Louisville. This is the traditional jump-off for the Bourbon Trail;
with bourbon’s current wave of popularity, new upstart
microdistilleries, including some in and around Louisville like the
small-batch Angel’s Envy, are giving the old names in bourbon a run for their money.
I'm not going to disagree with much here, except for the fact that this article was the first time I've ever heard of Angel's Envy. I am not much of a bourbon drinker, though, which segues into my point: what if you're visiting Louisville and you aren't a bourbon drinker? The author has a ready-made suggestion:
Try for the first Saturday in May to witness the ‘greatest two minutes in sports,’ the Kentucky Derby.
Q: Um, alright, but that's just one weekend out of the year. What do I do during the others?
A: *crickets chirping*
The coolest hotel in town is 21c Museum Hotel, an edgy contemporary hotel with scissor chandeliers and loft-like rooms.
Yeah, and that 'edgy contemporary' trendy spot is also the most expensive hotel in the city, averaging well over $200 per night. That's a standard room rate in NYC--and you're urging travelers to spend that in Louisville?
If you know me, you'll know that my love for the Oregon and the Pacific Northwest has gone unabated--even though I moved away from the region more than three years ago. Additionally, my friends will know that I'm the first to admit that I'm a sixth-generation Kentuckian--and that I've covered more of the state than most people who have lived here fifty years.
Still, while part of me hates to slander my native state and current home, Louisville, Kentucky just isn't a top-destination city. The metropolis is well on its way to great things--but those great things always seem to be 'just around the corner'. Portland, on the other hand, shows years of innovation and nationally-recognized efforts that have enhanced the city's beauty while protecting its charm and resources--and, as a result--its travel-worthiness.
This is about two cities being worthy of a 'top-destination' honor--and one of them hasn't put forth the effort required to win. Portland will never have Louisville's bourbon, semi-Southern hospitality and border-state-quirkiness, much like Louisville will never have Portland's beauty, innovation or commitment to its environment. It doesn't sound like fair competition, but it doesn't have to be fair when it's accurate.
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