FYI for the LGBT, Part I---The United States & You.

2010 was a frightening year for U.S. Liberals and Progressives. Health care reform
ditched the public option. The repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was headed nowhere.
Democrats lost control of the House and many were questioning the President's
loyalty to his base. Yet, in the midst of all that gloom, sunshine appeared to me in
the form of a news article:

"For the first time in polling history, polls show a majority of Americans support
legal recognition of same-sex unions..."

Okay, it wasn't overwhelming. But it happened. Last year, every major poll in the
U.S.--from the "fair and balanced" *gag* FOXNews to CNN--showed an increase in
the percentage of Americans who support civil unions, domestic partnerships and/
or the full entitlement of marriage for LGBT couples. From the staunchest of liberals
and progressives to the daughters and wives of Republican candidates--the LGBT
movement has a growing number of allies. We are not alone.

I just wanted to remind my readers of that before we head into the darkness...

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Q: Which states legally hate me the most if I'm LGBT?
A: 41 states have either a statute or amendment to the their constitutions banning
same-sex marriage. 18 of those 41 states have constitutional amendments which
ban not only marriage, but any form of legal recognition. That's where we'll start
to get this answer. 5 of the 18 states prohibit adoption by any LGBT person. 14 of
the 18 have no workplace anti-discrimination laws for LGBT employees. Also, 14
states had their sodomy laws thrown out by the Supreme Court (every other state had
stripped the law on its own.) 3 states fit all of the above categories--*drum roll,
please*--Arkansas, Oklahoma and Utah. In other news, the sky is blue...

Q: So where can I get hitched--you know--legally?
A: LGBT couples can be married and receive the same legal protections as any
other couple in 5 states: Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New
Hampshire, Vermont and the District of Columbia.

Q: Which states grant civil unions/domestic partnerships?
A: Although not defined as 'marriage', many states have found a way around the
word itself to give rights to LGBT couples through civil unions and domestic
partnerships. Many of these states grant full rights to same-sex couples, while
others give only a fraction: California, Colorado, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine,
Maryland, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington and Wisconsin.

Q: Aren't there some states that are legally--umm--'sitting on the fence'?
A: Yep. Take the most recently mentioned state, which has given us the
uber-progressive city of Madison (not to mention some awesome cheese.)
"The Badger State" voted to constitutionally ban same-sex marriage and
anything remotely like it in 2006. Oddly enough, its legislators passed
domestic partnership in 2009. While same-sex marriages, civil unions and
domestic partnerships are not currently performed, New York and New
Mexico will honor your existing union or marriage, should you become a
resident. Rhode Island, perhaps suffering from a "Napoleon complex", has
never officially said anything either way.

Q: So, which states absolutely love me if I'm LGBT?
A: The small, yet trailblazing state of Vermont has been in your corner
for years. Theirs was the first court system in the U.S. to give the nod to
legal recognition for LGBT couples (Baker v. Vermont--1999). Neighboring
Massachusetts has some of the most comprehensive anti-discrimination
laws in the country Although every state has its less-accepting areas, New
England, with its pro-marriage laws and social progression is a fantastic
place to be if you're a 'friend of Dorothy.' (Sorry-I've been wanting to use that
for a while.)

Q: Is there any legal recognition for couples who live in a state which
bans same-sex marriage, civil unions and domestic partnerships?
A: Yes, but most of it is very convoluted or limited. Two of the states
who legally hate you the most actually have city domestic partnership
registries (Eureka Springs in Arkansas and Salt Lake City in Utah.)
Cities such as San Francisco and New York have far-reaching domestic
partnership benefits, which nearly equal the benefits for married couples.
Other cities with benefits in non-supportive states include Austin, Texas,
Lawrence, Kansas, New Orleans, Louisiana, Atlanta, Georgia, Miami
and Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, Cleveland and Toledo, Ohio and Ann
Arbor, Michigan.

Q: Does U.S. federal law protect me from being fired if I'm LGBT?
A: No.

Q: Do state and/or city laws prohibit discrimination against LGBT employees?
A: 13 states/districts have laws protecting both sexual orientation and gender
identity in all employment: California, Colorado, Iowa, Illinois, Maine,
Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont,
Washington and the District of Columbia.
9 states protect sexual orientation in all employment: Connecticut, Delaware,
Hawaii, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York
and Wisconsin.
5 states protect sexual orientation and gender identity for state employees only:
Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan and Pennsylvania.
5 states protect sexual orientation for state employees only: Alaska, Arizona,
Missouri, Montana and Ohio.
In 140 American cities, you cannot be legally fired for being an LGBT employee.

Q: Do any states have same-sex marriage, civil unions or domestic partnerships
on their legislative agendas in 2011?
A: Yes: Arizona (civil unions), Maryland (marriage) and Rhode Island
(marriage).

Q: It's 2011--every state has elected an openly gay politician, right??
A: Well, you'd think so, but no. 5 states have never elected an openly gay official
on any level: Alaska, Kansas, Mississippi, North Dakota and South Dakota.

Next: "FYI for the LGBT, Part II--The World & You."

You'd better take a sedative...

Intro: The FYI for The LGBT.

A sweet, wonderful friend of mine recently told me that she has completed
the process of coming out to her parents. As I am with any friend who has
taken such a monumental step, I am very proud of this woman. I can only
hope that the burden and pain of the secret that she carried for years is
well on its way to disappearing.

I told my parents that I am Gay in November 1998, one month shy of my
seventeenth birthday. I've been thinking a lot lately about LGBT (that's
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered, just so ya know) laws and
desire for Equality. My friend's coming out got me thinking about progress
--where I was then, where she is now, and where we all go from here.

When I made the declaration that changed my life on that rainy day in '98,
life for an LGBT person was just a little different than it is now. Matthew
Shepard's death had taken place just weeks earlier; there was no federal
hate crime legislation. Marriage Equality had yet to be legalized in any
state or country. Although support for being openly Gay in the military
was on the rise, public opinion still favored "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

It's amazing to witness what transpires in the course of twelve years.

My next couple of blogs will take a look at what I have discovered from
researching LGBT Equality legislation, protections and discrimination in
legal form. One blog will include only World laws, and the other will
breakdown state/federal legislation. My sources will vary between the
surprisingly-accurate-on-this-subject Wikipedia and the Human Rights
Campaign. Although this information is easily accessible, many LGBT
folks do not seem to know where they can get married and where they
should use major caution when traveling. You should know this. And
if you're not an LGBT person but you're a supporter, you should know
this as well--it helps with perspective.

To my friend who took that bold, courageous step in her life by telling
her parents who she is: my thoughts are with you. Although many may
seem to be against 'us', know that there is an ever-growing mass of allies
who support and fight for us...and we're grateful.

The People vs. Ward and June Cleaver.

There is only one reason why a normally clear stretch of highway can suddenly turn
into a traffic jam due to a wreck in the other lane. There is only one reason why sitcoms,
soaps and reality shows have been popular enough to continue or stay in syndication.

There is only one reason why many readers take just a passing glance at the front page
of a newspaper then spend a half-hour pouring over sections containing marriages,
divorces, obituaries, bankruptcies, civil suits and petty crime. Why?

We don't just like 'human interest stories'. We crave them.

Some people pay more attention to certain stories than others. For example, I'm always
the last to know which celebrity is in rehab and which one isn't (although I'd assume that
there are few who haven't been down that road.) Some people thrive on every detail that
comes out of People magazine. I, however, devote very little time to 'keeping up with the
Kardashians.' I don't need to watch Access Hollywood for my material--my favorite topic
of "human interest" is everywhere I look. Hell, it's even in my house--and I can admit it:

"Hi, my name is Matt ("Hi, Matt!!) and I'm a couple-holic."

Couples fascinate me. Whether it's a very public, famous pair like Jackie & JFK or two
quiet farming guys whom I met in a bar three years ago, I am drawn to couples' stories--
not just how they met and who they are, but what makes them click. How and why did
their marriage end? What sustains them today? How do they relate to each other? Why
and how do they fight? Are they happy? Am I waiting to see them on the next episode of
"Snapped"? God, I love that show...

Anyway, couples are an easy target for 'human interest' because everything about them
is so visible--even if they dont intend for it to be. Take body language, for instance. When
Prince Charles and Di were going through their estrangement, photos and videos made it
obvious. Shortly after the humiliating scandal of then-Kentucky governor Paul Patton's
marital infidelity, First Lady Judi Patton was seen without her wedding ring and sitting
as away from her husband as she could get when they were in public. The best evidence of
this can be found at the airport. Don't believe me? The next time you're sitting in the
terminal waiting for someone to arrive, take a look around you. Some couples miss each
other so much that they risk arrest for public indecency when they reunite. Yet, I saw one
couple at the airport who literally started arguing as soon as they saw each other--and it
wasn't playful banter. You know it's bad when the Homeland Security folks start paying
attention.

In addition to body language revealing a couple's status, there's also a lot to be said for
communication. How does a request to pass the mashed potatoes sometimes turn into a
high-pitched altercation? Are couples who speak all "lovey-dovey" to each other really
as happy as they sound/look? Some couples have no qualms about airing their dirty
laundry in public while their friends anxiously await the next bus to anywhere. Some
couples feature an individual known for his/her standoffish, abrupt nature when, behind
closed doors, that person is actually the most considerate and thoughtful of the two.

Having been a 'couple' for over a year now, I can easily see where the interest comes from.
I find myself wondering how other couples handle things now more than ever. Instead of
just being nosy (although I'm still very much Mrs. Kravitz), I tend to watch and ask
questions of couples because I want to see if the way Chuck and I conduct our relationship
is 'normal'. But is any relationship really 'normal'?

--A Housewife who, after 34 years, decides she's meant for more and leaves her marriage.
--The soccer Mom and her little-league coach husband, who despite the image of perfection,
are actually having a 'swingers' relationship with the couple three streets over.
--The husband, whom after 17 years, admits that he's Bisexual and instead of leaving him,
the wife...who stays and learns to enjoy more than one man at a time.
--The couple who spends 65 years together and in the end, spends their deaths together.
--A couple of 27 years, not legally recognized by their government, raising two daughters.
--The pastor who spends his entire marriage preaching about faithfulness and honesty,
while spending half of it being anything but.

'Normal' comes from 1950: the man is the sole income-earner. The woman stays home,
takes care of the house and tends to the kids. Christianity is at the center of the family
because, in 1950 America, that's the only religion. Gay and Lesbian parents do not exist,
because Gays and Lesbians do not exist. There are no Biracial children anywhere because
races can't mix. A spouse takes the abuse of his/her partner quietly--thus, the perfect
picture of 'happy couples ' is allowed to persist. There is no depression. Divorce really isn't
an option--especially if the husband cheats. Look the other way, for God's sake--it's bad
manners not to. Yeah, next time you want 'normal', turn the channel to "Jerry Springer"
or "Maury Povich".

Studies show that you probably already have.

;)