Three amazing stories. All non-fiction:
1) I had just arrived to a social obligation after having made a few alterations to my online settings. A keen observer challenged me in public in such a way that one would've thought boxing gloves were in order: "So, why can't I see your status updates anymore?!" I detected a slight chill (think winds of Antarctica.)
2) The grocery store is virtually empty at 9:30, which is why I love shopping at that hour. Still, it is the Gayborhood. I almost literally run into a buddy (a former "Facebook Friend") with my shopping cart, who proceeds to engage me in a nice, lengthy chat that has me wondering if my yogurt will still be any good once I leave the store. Suddenly, two other 'Unfriended' buddies turn into our aisle and nearly stop dead in their tracks. I greet them with the same enthusiasm as I always have and expect that the four of us, who all know each other, will spend some time chatting just below the canned yams. But as one of the guys starts to initiate conversation, the other anxiously pulls him away and says, "We've got to go!" and they disappear. I'm not sure where the fire was.
3) As I'm headed to play softball, I take note of some folks in the bleachers whom I haven't seen in months. I've heard that they're extremely bitter about having been deleted from my 'Friends' list after my 'divorce'. Deciding to make light of the situation, I laugh and say something like, "I'd better watch out" and one of the guys practically screams, "Don't talk to us! You're pathetic!"
All true, folks. All true. What did you think after reading those stories? One of your thoughts was probably something to the effect of, "Damn. Matt deletes a lot of people. I think he has a problem." Another thought was probably something like, "Wow. People take being deleted way too seriously." And if you thought those things, you're absolutely correct--on both counts.
I have wanted to write a blog about deleting "Facebook Friends" for sometime, but knew that the social ramifications for such a blog could be damaging. And then I got to that beautiful place in my mind where I just didn't give a damn. A powerful realization entered my head: your real friends will never care whether or not they hold a place on your "Facebook Friends" list. They don't have to wonder about the place they hold in your heart and mind. Most of them knew that long before Mark Zuckerberg invaded the World.
A bit of background info: the inner (and sometimes external) pain of the end of my two-year relationship prompted me to delete most reminders of the ex whom I still--five months later--miss, love and enjoy. Not only did I delete pictures--I deleted his friends from my "List" as well. I had spent a great deal of time with a few of them while Chuck and I were together. But in the end--as it was in the beginning--they were his friends. It's a fine line.
The months since our breakup have been rough. So far, my thirtieth year has not been kind. I have gone through some incredible personal hells and realities, the majority of which I have kept off of Facebook. Being tight-lipped really isn't my style, but here's a newsflash: we, as humans, are nosy and we gossip (notice I said, "we.") I'm not above it, but I try to limit it--especially when I don't know if it's true. I didn't want to broadcast a lot of my goings-on because, frankly, I knew that doing so might as well make it a feature article on page three of the New York Times. However, most of the "Facebook Friends" whom I have deleted are not horrible people. 85% of them would likely get a hug from me if we met on the street and I'd probably buy them hot chocolate. Three-fourths of that 85% would probably qualify for marshmallows with the hot chocolate. The other 15% have been deleted for more sinister or--at the least--irritating, petty reasons. Again--I am above nothing.
What makes the people whom I keep on my Facebook so special, you might ask? Well, that reason varies. Geographic proximity certainly doesn't matter: I estimate that 40% of my "Facebook Friends" don't even live within 500 miles of me. Some folks make status updates that are uplifting and make me smile. Some folks post naughty things that I find funny. Some folks know how to banter with me. Some "Facebook Friends" make my heart glad by the mere sight of their profile pic. Some I want to keep up with. Some I want to (or have had) sex with. Some were part of a wonderful time, place (or night, even!) in my life and I take comfort from that, if only virtually. All of them are exceptional people--but so are all of my friends who aren't my "Facebook Friends". I have come to peace with my "Facebook Friends" and "Unfriending" due to some very simple logic:
If you do not (or have not) taken a personal, one-on-one interest in my life outside of Facebook, your right to view what I post online is negligable. I prefer close friends offline; people of strong resolve who could take or leave their "Friend" designation on a social networking site. Revealing is the "Unfriended"--who reacts with venom. For, in such a moment, that person's true colors are shown--and their reaction has less to do with what kind of person you are. Their reaction is merely derived from the fact that you have eliminated their perceived, Information Age-granted right...to be nosy.
And therein lies my problem: I refuse to restrict my words, photos, check-ins and whatnots to a special list within a list. I have decided that keeping a low number of "Facebook Friends" remedies that problem. Regarding how people view Facebook, their "Friends" list and being "Unfriended", the answer is yes: it is taken too seriously.
Obviously. :)
