http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PAJNntoRgA
You watched that, right? I'm sorry, but did I miss something? Are
children no longer allowed to "openly celebrate Christmas"?! Governor
Perry, are you telling me that the yearly children's Christmas concerts
have been outlawed? And those gift exchanges-do they get jail time for
doing that?! Will they even be tried as children for such a heinous act?!
Horrors.
Welcome to yet another pre-nomination, desperate campaign ad from
someone whose recent polling suggests that he needs your Benjamin
Franklins more than your prayerful support. With its lovely fall foilage
and background soothing flute melody, this ad initially leads one to think
that Rick Perry is getting ready to audition for the "Sound of Music." The
soft atmosphere doesn't match his real message: The President is the Anti-
Christ. He hates you, and The Gays and Liberals are to blame for every
single problem you have--every single one!
Oh, those damned Gays. They've been ruining your heterosexual marriages
with their public expressions of commitment for over a decade now (haven't
they??) They've been moving into your fledgling, just-above-Skid-Row-
neighborhoods and raising your property values with their pastel colors,
beautiful lawns, flower beds and--worse--track lighting! And they're doing
all of that while continuing to cut and style your hair, preparing those tiny
bouquets that you buy instead of spending more on the Mrs., and telling you,
during your visit to Macy's, that if you try to match that tie with that shirt,
they will personally call security. That's not all, though: we can't call out The
Gays without calling out what they do in the bedroom! Folks, these acts have
penetrated (no pun, I swear) sacred, time-honored Heterosexual pornography
and from our research, it seems that these porn actors and actresses are
attempting to--cover your eyes/ears--MIMIC what The Gays do in the
bedroom! Heterosexuals do not do these things at all, and this mimicry of Gay
Physical Behavior must stop! It is devaluing our currency, ruining our social
fabric and becoming detrimental to birth control manufacturers' profit margins!
Rick Perry says so.
And then there's Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. The nerve of that man for
trying to improve our economy with stimulus packages, long and short-term
job solutions and rebuilding a badly deteriorating infrastructure. What kind of
sleezeball would spend our taxpayer dollars so that a few (just thirty-some
million) people could get health insurance?! And now he's apparently waging a
"war against religion." Well, I guess that explains why we've switched focus
from Iraq and Afghanistan to the Southern Baptist Convention. And it must
be the sole reason why the Christian flag has been stripped from all worship
places and the American flag has been draped over all crosses. To be fair,
though, this "war against religion" really can't be blamed on the President,
folks. Unless a certain centuries-old document has suddenly changed, doesn't
the President still have to obtain Congressional approval for declarations of
war? Perhaps that's why Congress' approval rating is so low. Damned
warmongerers. Congress & Mr. President, leave Sunday School and
Communion ALONE!
Rick Perry says so.
Okay. Now that I have exceeded my daily dose of allotted sarcasm, I'd like
to give Gov. Perry, Newt Gingrich and all of the other potential and not-a-
chance candidates some advice: this stuff is a major turn-off, and not just to
moderate voters who don't factor their religious beliefs when voting; it's also
appears a little sketchy to religious voters of the non-hardcore-right-winged
variety who tend to think on their own.
For starters, Barack Obama has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that in
1962 and 1963, the Supreme Court judged school-sponsored prayers unconstitutional. Unless the future President was arguing court cases at age
two, Barack Obama cannot be blamed for this. And unless I've missed some
headlines, he hasn't issued any Executive Orders banning children from
individually praying that time-honored prayer, "God, I hope I pass this
stupid test..." Many Americans know that the President isn't to blame for
any of that--and that he isn't waging any "religious wars". The other thing
that thinking Americans know is how certain words send out red flags.
When George-"Segregation Now, Segregation Tomorrow, Segregation
Forever"-Wallace ran for President in 1968, he received almost ten million
votes, carrying all of the electoral votes of five states. Very impressive,
considering that Wallace didn't run on either of the standard two-party
tickets. Wallace got all of those votes (all from the South) because he was a
bully and used scare tactics.
Being a bully in 2012 isn't cool, folks. And after years of racial inequality
and discrimination towards minorities, Americans are slowly, finally
starting to pick up on the fact that people who bully and scare usually have
something that they need to prove. As my pal Sean stated, America "is
statistically 76% Christian." So why tell us that you're "not afraid to admit
that I'm a Christian", Governor Perry--and continue with an infactual,
bullying crusade?! Shouldn't you be comfortable with your own religion!?
In a year that finds governing bodies considering Anti-Bullying legislation,
it probably isn't very wise to start picking on others. People who bully tend
to do so because it's their only way to be relevant and popular.
So, back off, Governor Perry and the rest of the "Party of NO". Is our
economy still struggling? Yes. Is the President the most popular rooster in
the barnyard? No. But unless you're ready to have a serious conversation
and solutions for how to fix our problems and unless you've got more
substance than what is demonstrated with these tired, trivial, ages-old
attacks, just stay out of it. Go hug your money. Become a lobbyist. Join a
church if you have a conversion and want to remove yourself from the
dirtiness of politics.
Just beware of machine guns at the altar.
Rick Perry says so.
