Today was an odd day. Barely awake and dressed, I jumped on Facebook (a problem of mine) to discover the unsettling news of the North Carolina ban on Marriage Equality, Happiness, etc., etc. A dear friend's thought-provoking video rant placed me in a near-possessed state as I drove to work, without music, without too much attention to the traffic (dangerous, much?) and with thoughts moving rather rapidly from sadness to frustration to anger.
I hadn't been that angry in quite a while (ten days, tops) and I spent most of the morning doing my routine job tasks, thinking all the while about the rage that was simmering just below the surface of my already-thin (but thickening, thanks to medication) skin. As angry as I was, I couldn't quite figure out exactly what it was that had set me off. Was it the knowledge that yet another state had outlawed not only my right to first-class citizenship, but forbade any legal non-marriage recognition, period? Was it the resentment from thinking about how I, as a non-Christian, am constantly subjected to laws directly from the teachings of the Bible--a manuscript that I, as an American citizen, do not hold as sacred in context? Was it my annoyance at myself for actually thinking that a once-upon-a-time Confederate state just might avoid passing such an overt, blatantly discriminatory measure? Was it the fact that I consider it beneath my dignity to have a bunch of divorced, adulterous, self-righteous and/or bigoted assholes deciding not to "allow" my potential Happiness when the hypocritical reality was that they were no more deserving than I? Or was it the reminder that the United States, this beautiful land of my birth, is so incredibly slow to change, having fought to keep slavery, having fought against racial Equality, having fought against gender Equality, having fought against anything remotely alien to Straight, White, Privileged Power? Finally, I realized my answer...
All. Of. The. Above.
After I moved through my initial brief phase of wanting to a) move to Canada b) risk a prison sentence for driving to North Carolina and assaulting the first jerk who looked at me funny and c) emotionally shake every Straight, Married person that I encountered, by crying, in Nancy Kerrigan form, "Why?! Why?! Why?!", the ever-increasingly calm, cool and collected Matt arrived on the scene (thanks, yet again, to medication.)
Cocky, but not to the point of shrugging off the issue, I reminded myself that the people who have fought so hard against this unbelievable, unjust punishment are the same type of people who fought every other socially-progressive advancement in our nation's history. And I rationalized, to the point of inner peace, that more often than not--they lost. Whether it was a healthy dose of Karma or the final coming-around of legal and common sense, the bullies, the self-righteous and the hatemongers lost. Despite what happened in North Carolina, they're losing now. And somehow, I sense that they know it.
Stepping away from the unfolding drama, I buried myself in my work, but I couldn't stay away for long. Something happened this afternoon that reinforced my earlier conclusions. Just one minute after the story broke, I saw that President Obama had become the first sitting President of the United States to publicly express his support for Marriage Equality. From that, my mood shifted from rationalization and calm to a "happy warrior" fighting mode, best summed up in two words:
"Take that."
Barack Obama's timing or motivation wasn't lost on me, as I have been a political junkie for far too long. But I accepted my own cynicism and acknowledged what matters the most: just less than half of my fellow countrywomen and men may not have my back on this--but my President does. I think he always has. I give him kudos for the obvious statement of support in an election year on such a sensitive moment--and on such a divisive issue. The President's shrewd, yet more-transparent-than-he-thinks political manuevering has, at times, obstructed my otherwise Liberally-influenced, liberally-dispersed support of him. However, in that moment, Barack Obama reinforced to me and so many other open-minded Americans (as he intended) that he is the right person in the right office at the right moment. The President took a giant group of disenfranchised, disappointed, enraged citizens and turned them into a hopeful, awe-inspired army, beaten temporarily but permanently winning. And he did that in less than sixteen hours. That's my Commander-in-Chief.
Unfortunately, I continue to doubt that he will hold that title this time next year. While I revere and respect President Obama now more than ever, I believe that his support of this extremely important issue has fired up not only "my army"--but a completely different one as well. I believe that they will beat him. It may not be significant margin of defeat, but I think that the President's gamble will backfire on him. He will likely go down in history as a one-term President. But as long as my heart beats, he'll stay there as the one national leader who took the action that meant the most. Perhaps that courage and significance wont be lost on others who already had their reservations. Perhaps it will change a mind or two.
Regardless of how history will view this moment as the precursor to Obama's re-election victory or his political suicide at an early age, the words of Senator Ted Kennedy following his narrow 1980 Democratic Presidential Primary defeat couldn't ring more true today. Syrupy? Sure. Appropriate? Absolutely:
"For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die."
Right, Ted.
Right, Mr. President.
