Okay, admit it: you know that's what Joe Biden is looking at when he periodically stops giving President Obama the Nancy Reaganesque gaze of admiration. Or maybe it's a love note from Jill. Am I the only one out there who thinks that the Bidens are a good-looking couple? Al and Tipper had it goin on' (that is, until they didn't) but for their age, the Veep and the Second Lady looked good out on that dance floor.
But enough about the Vice-President's love life.
Tonight, we're finding out the state of our Union. Don't we already know that there are fifty of them?!
BA-DUM-CHING! *Matt is available for weddings, bar mitzvahs, birthdays, funerals, etc...*
Based on last year's statistics, it is likely that less than twelve percent of our fellow citizens will watch this event. And while I really can't blame any non-politically-interested person for choosing ESPN or HGTV instead, the State of the Union can be everything from comical to dramatic; as revealing as a former New York congressman in a wanton cell phone pic and as subdued as Justice Ginsberg's nightie (I apologize for the unnecessary and unwanted visual.)
What will we learn from the 2013 State of the Union? Probably nothing substantial. Thanks to First Lady Michelle Obama's guest, we'll learn that mohawks have a place in government these days. Thanks to yet another Republican moron from Texas, we'll learn that even those who make idle threats against the President's life are able to sit in a coveted space reserved for guests and watch as said Leader gives his remarks. (Let's hope that no Secret Service agents call in sick tonight!) We'll probably see some interesting facial expressions from Republicans, when they aren't reading their newspapers, texting or balancing their re-election checkbooks. I'll be fair, though: Democrats were just as attentive from 2001 to 2009.
Still, I love a good State of the Union (and I mean that quite literally!) A political junkie's heart rate goes up when various cabinet members and officeholders enter the chamber and near-cardiac arrest ensues when that little short guy bellows, "Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States!!" And then there he is: the man I both voted into office and renewed his contract for another four years. While I'm a fan of Barackmyworld, I know that I'll be watching yet another glad-handing march to give a speech and then mountains and mountains of platitudes, applause, platitudes, applause and good ol' American rhetoric, followed by...yep, you guessed it...more applause. (With the exception of bitter Republicans.) Although nothing in the Constitution requires the President to appear before Congress to give this mandatory report, Woodrow "Jesus Christ Part Two" Wilson started the pomp--and I, for one, am glad that the tradition continues. If nothing, it's good theater.
Some really great theater should come afterwards, from the RepubliTea Party. Expect to hear two topics in vast repetition from both Marco Rubio and Kentucky's very own Rand Paul: deficit, deficit, deficit, immigrants, immigrants, immigrants. When you watch this, know that you are witnessing the first public attempt by the Conservative faction in America to pick itself up and dust itself off from the electoral ass-kicking that it received just three months ago. They must look good and believable tonight.
So, if you're a Moderate or someone who could really care less about government, grab some chips and a beer and sit down to watch a good time. If you're like me, drink to the President, his accomplishments and his plans for the next four years...
And during the official responses, sit next to the nearest toilet.
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